I went into marriage with ALOT of expectations.
Mostly because I had it all planned out. To the last detail. I was ruthless in eliminating anything that did not seem like what I wanted in a marriage.
I was not going to compromise on anything.
I enjoyed being single. Anything that was going to take that away from me had to be BETTER.
We talked about EVERYTHING. We had some extremely uncomfortable conversations but they had to be had.
Two weeks to the court wedding, one of my friends asked me, “So are you changing your name ?”
Me: “Hell naaa !! Besides he doesn’t even care about those type of things !”
Three weeks after getting married, we were “playing around”☺️ and he causally asked, “So when are you changing your name ?”
I drew back, shocked. “What do you mean ?”
Husband: “Did I stutter ? I said when are you changing your name ?”
Me: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? I’m not changing my name !”
An argument erupted. Very loud. Very heated. Even in the midst of heated emotions we still allowed each other speak even though it wasn’t what we wanted to hear .
Husband: “Asake you do a lot of things and I look away but on this one there will be no compromise. YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR NAME !”
Me: “I WILL NOT !”
Husband: “If you like being married, you will change your name !”
He walked out of the house and left me standing there in the midst of my own emotions.
I realised inspite of how detailed we thought we were bringing all uncomfortable conversations into the open, we missed one crucial thing because we were both so sure of what the other wanted, it wouldn’t be a thing.
I ran into the room and started throwing clothes into a duffle bag. You’re threatening me ? Emi Asake ??? Ha !! 🤣🤣🤣 YOU’RE THREATENING ME ??? You will come back home and meet an empty house ! Who do you think you’re talking to ???
I worked myself into a frenzy, out of breath, I lugged one heavy suitcase down the stairs. I didn’t know where I was going. I sat down at the bottom of the stairs to catch my breath and realized I was exhibiting a trauma response. Run at the first sign of conflict because I was “protecting my peace of mind”
I slept off on the couch and was woken up with a phone call, “I’m at 9ja bukka what do you want to eat ?”
In my head I’m thinking this man does not even rate me. You think I will remain in this house after threatening me ?
Me: “Fried yam and goat meat.”
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