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Forget about flaunting your curves for a minute. Results from a
study at Manchester University found that lips are a woman’s most
attractive physical attribute. When you think about how much ladies
like Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson are lusted after, it’s
tough to argue against it. For extra credit, pink and red lipstick
were found to hold a man’s attention even longer. When in doubt, go
red—it’s a classic and it works.

Forget that saying about the eyes being the window to the soul,
because they’re also the door to keeping a lover’s attention. Turns
out your pupils dilate a little more when you’re attracted to
someone. The kicker? People are apparently super attracted to
dilated pupils. Lesson learned: never miss an opportunity to fixate
your eyes at your intended bae.
Research suggests that straight, white teeth are more attractive,
and it’s safe to assume that most folks don’t prefer yellow,
rotting teeth. We shouldn’t even have to tell you this, but brush,
floss, and visit your dentist regularly. You’d be surprised how
many people don’t maintain dental hygiene. It’s one of those
subconscious signals of health and fertility that evolution so
craftily tucked into our DNA to help us survive. Thanks, evolution
— now pay for our Invisalign!
When we say smiling like an emoji, we’re talking about the
happy-face kind, not the inappropriate-but-well-timed eggplant. One
study suggests that men are significantly more attracted to women
who smile. It’s not like you’ll be reeling them in with a
grimace.
High-pitched voices are apparently sexier. Researchers suggest it’s
because higher voices suggest a smaller body size, which our
society deems more attractive. We all know the truth: helium
fetish. While we’re on the topic, keep in mind that cigarettes
won’t help your cause as they have a tendency to deepen your voice
(and yellow your teeth. And, you know, cause cancer)

To make things more confusing, even though men appear to be
attracted to smaller body types in the previous slide’s study,
apparently both Shakira and Sir Mix-a-Lot were also right.
Researchers found that men preferred larger hip-to-waist ratios
than smaller ones. Call us crazy, but we’ve chosen to conclude that
this means all body types are beautiful and attractive.

This study of color stereotypes included two photos of the exact
same woman. She wore blue in one picture and red in the other,
posing the same way in both. According to the results, the photo of
the woman in red was rated as more attractive and sexually
desirable. Furthermore, the men of the study indicated they would
be more willing to date the scarlet-clad woman and even spend more
money on her. Blue never stood a chance.

If you’re sitting at a bar, turn a little towards a guy you’re
interested in. Leaning in, tilting your head, and pointing your
feet toward a person all subconsciously communicate interest and
engagement. Blushing signals attraction and is the body’s way of
gaining the attention of the opposite sex. So if you’re going out
and planning to mingle, don’t forget to put on a little blush
before you go.

What might be the most important feature, according to
researchers, is something we can do very little about: facial
symmetry. This is when the left side of your face looks exactly
like the right side of your face and vice versa, with things
matching up perfectly from one side to another. Most celebrities
and models have strong, symmetrical faces. You can’t really change
your facial symmetry unless you go under the knife, and we don’t
suggest trying it. If you happen to be blessed with facial
symmetry, thank your genes for the leg up. But if you don’t,
believe us, there are far more important things you can do to
attract someone (see the next slide re: confidence).

Attraction isn’t all about appearances, so don’t go thinking it’s
all about winning the genetic lottery — there are many things about
your character that make you attractive. Confidence, for one, can
vastly increase your sex appeal. Confident people are more apt to
send off signals of interest. Send more signals out, and you’ll get
more signals back in return — just don’t make it desperate. Even if
you’re not the hottest person in the room, having the mindset that
you are happy with who you are can help make a better impression
than a model with with low self-esteem.

In the same vein, there are many other non-physical traits that
are incredibly attractive. Read on to find out what you can do to
attract your soul mate.
Inscribed near the entrance of the venerated ancient Greek Oracle
at Delphi, “Know thyself” continues to be good advice. Knowing
yourself is the same idea as being self-aware, since it involves
understanding your own personality and character.

So what, exactly, is self-awareness? Psychologist Daniel
Goleman, author of best-selling book Emotional Intelligence,
proposed the most popular definition of self-awareness as “knowing
one’s internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions,”
although it can also cover a broad range of things including your
needs, desires, failings, habits, your likes and dislikes,
preferences and non-negotiables, what makes you angry or defensive,
and, conversely, what makes you happy. Basically, it encompasses
all the things that help you answer the universal question of “Who
am I?”

Being more self-aware can greatly improve self-confidence, since
self-awareness enables us to clearly see our strengths and
weaknesses — which allows us to devote more time and energy to
doing what we’re good at (and who doesn’t like the warm fuzzies
that come with kicking butt at something?). This, in turn,
increases our overall sense of confidence (see: warm fuzzies).

When a person is authentic, they’re not afraid to be themselves.
You can recognize authenticity, both in yourself and others, by
traits such as having realistic perceptions of reality, being
accepting of themselves and of other people, being thoughtful,
having a non-hostile sense of humor, being able to express their
emotions freely and clearly, being open to learning from their
mistakes, and understanding their motivations.

Authenticity, self-awareness, and confidence are all closely
linked, too. Chris Armstrong, a Certified Relationship Coach, told
me that the combination of authenticity and vulnerability gives
people the self-confidence to be open about who they are — and
comfortable with who they’re not. There are no pretenses with
people like this, and when people are able to be genuine, it helps
them build deeper, more meaningful connections with others.

When I spoke with Amanda Rose, a matchmaker and dating expert,
she said that “there’s something about a person’s ability to be
unfiltered and raw that creates connection, [and] when we feel more
connected to someone, the attraction level rises.” So go ahead and
let your quirks show! They’re endearing for those who know and love
you, and your authenticity will be attractive to those who don’t
know you yet.
Being vulnerable entails allowing yourself to be seen in a way that
makes you uncomfortable: weaknesses, flaws, insecurities, and all.
When you’re being vulnerable, you choose not to hide who you really
are. The good and the bad, strong and weak… it’s all out in the
open. Being open, honest, and real, and allowing yourself to be
vulnerable, takes guts.

Even though vulnerability can feel incredibly risky, it can also
be deeply rewarding. Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based
psychologist whose specialties include relationships and
self-esteem, told me that vulnerability — and being open about
one’s flaws, idiosyncrasies, and weaknesses — makes a person more
relatable and human, instead of coming across as too cold or too
perfect.

And, if you’ll allow me to go full fangirl for a moment,
University of Houston researcher Brene Brown has produced some
amazing work on the benefits of vulnerability: “embracing our
vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up
on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most
vulnerable,” Brown wrote in her best-selling book Daring Greatly.
And, if you want to feel really inspired to become more vulnerable,
check out Brown’s TED Talk on the Power of Vulnerability. It’ll
leave you feeling both verklempt and awestruck.Remember how the
previous slide said that vulnerability takes guts? Well, courage
(which is all about guts) is also an attractive personality trait.
Bravery — such as the willingness to take calculated risks (that is
to say: risks that aren’t reckless, so please don’t try to hold
onto the back of a moving vehicle while riding your bike), Thomas
told me that the ability to stand up for yourself and others, and a
willingness to do things that are intimidating — conveys emotional
resiliency and strength.
Openness to experience is another hallmark of attraction. Marked by
creativity, intellect, imagination, and curiosity, open individuals
enjoy learning new things, are inquisitive about the world around
them, and are interested in new experiences. Now, this doesn’t mean
you have to take up skydiving or go out and party every weekend (I,
for one, am terrified of skydiving and would much rather spend the
evening at home with a book). The question is more about how
curious you are about the world around you — for example, different
cultures, new places, new activities, or different restaurants —
and your willingness to try them.

A good example of this is an ill-fated date my dad went on
before he met my mom: he was all excited to try out a new Jewish
deli in town, and the woman he took there for their first date
proceeded to order a plain hamburger with ketchup and was visibly
shaken by all the unfamiliar foods on the menu. As a guy who grew
up in the New York City suburbs, would order food from just about
any restaurant in the world, and loves trying new things, my dad
knew a second date would never happen long before his Reuben
sandwich arrived.
One big benefit of openness to experience, as well as curiosity, is
that they make us more empathetic and help us to form bonds with
others, since making an effort to understand the lives of people
who are different helps us to expand our worldview and become more
accepting of those differences. When we create deeper connections
with the people we meet, our interest in their lives of others will
likely lead to reciprocated interest — they’ll want to know more
about you, and the connection grows from there.
The whole point of attracting someone is that you want to share
your experiences with them. It’s no surprise, therefore, that being
selfish is definitely not a turn on. In fact, the exact opposite is
true. Studies have shown that people are more attracted to those
with a generous spirit.

So get out there, open your heart, and be a giver! Volunteer to
read to senior citizens. Organize a food drive. Donate money to
charity. You’ll be doing something good for those around you, while
also becoming more attractive in the process. It’s a win-win!

R

There’s an old saying: “you can catch more flies with honey than
with vinegar.” So, if you’re trying to catch someone’s attention,
some researchers suggest you indulge your sweet, playful side
instead. After all, who doesn’t want to have more fun?

Life can be so serious and stressful sometimes, which makes it
even more important to shake off the negativity and have a good
time. So, the next time you’re feeling silly, just go with it. Get
down in the dirt, dance in the rain, and throw your head back and
laugh from your core. You’ll feel amazing and people will be drawn
to you.

There are countless movies built on the premise that no one
wants to date a nerd… but maybe those out-of-touch Hollywood
producers have it all wrong. According to actual research, we are
scientifically wired to be attracted to intelligent people.

That’s right, folks. Being smart is a highly desirable quality,
so stop dumbing yourself down! Dust off your library cards, take
your board games and microscopes out from under your bed, and
embrace your big, beautiful brain openly and with pride.

Ok, so: I know this piece focuses on attraction, both physical
and emotional, in the context of romantic relationships, but we can
probably all agree that 1) that different traits are attractive to
different people and 2) that romance isn’t the be-all and end-all
of adult life.

To the first point, while studies have shown that men are
attracted to specific physical traits like big hips or luscious
lips or a high-pitched voice, it certainly doesn’t apply to all the
dudes out there. I’ll use myself as a case in point: I have dark
hair, a decidedly not high-pitched voice (some might even call it
husky), and an athletic build. While these fundamental, unalterable
traits quickly ruled out the menfolk who prefer petite blondes (in
the interest of full disclosure, I did spend a few years feeling
crappy about my soccer thighs and dark brown locks), I haven’t
exactly spent my life in a nunnery. I eventually married a man who
loves how I look, and it turns out he was particularly drawn to my
muscles and dark hair. It just goes to show that what men find
attractive is totally subjective, and beauty, as the cliché goes,
is very much in the eye of the beholder.

Adding to which: while finding a romantic partner is definitely
something many people want, in no way does it measure your worth or
success (even though HOLY EFF does it ever feel like that
sometimes). Women in particular are often fed the implicit message
that we need to change ourselves to become worthy of men’s
attention and affection. And that, if I may say so, is total
BS.

Instead, you can use the character traits above to help you
build a life that you love — with or without a partner. Cultivating
traits like self-awareness, vulnerability, authenticity, courage,
openness to experience, and empathy can help you in all facets of
life, both personal and professional. They can help you build a
social network of friends you adore, create work you find
meaningful, travel to places that excite you, and seek out
experiences that help you grow. From that point, it’s safe to say
that relationships are likely to follow, and yet even if they
don’t, what’s most important is that you are able to be proud of
who you are and the life you live.

Here’s to building a life that makes you happy, and all the
benefits that come from it!

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